Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
