i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
