Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
