I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
