I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
