The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
