I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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