Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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