Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i dont even know how to be here
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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