At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
