I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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