nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
