youre lurking in front of me
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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