how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
