I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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