New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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