the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
