everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
