She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
