If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
