one two three fourrrrnication!
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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