So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
