I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize