I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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