Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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