Someone shit on the floor
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
