margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
