New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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