She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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