Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
