If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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