my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
