if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
