With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
