Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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