I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
