Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize