This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
