I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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