No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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