eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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