i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
