Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
