I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Randomize
