I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
