Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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