I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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