grandma shit on top of the toilet
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
