Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
