We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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