I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
