Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
