What did we do last night that was yellow?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
