I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
