I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
