How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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