Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
