i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
