I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
