There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
