So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
