I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
