It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
