you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
