she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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