you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm just crazy horny about you
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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