I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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