sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
