now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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