3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
This is the high leading the old right now
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
