So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
