guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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