Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
