your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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