What did we do last night that was yellow?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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