This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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